Sunday, September 14, 2014


Today, September 14, 2014 - 
it's already five years ago since Pipke passed away.
 Since then, each time as the date September the 14th gets closer, I go through a very emotional period, and I get overwhelmed by grief. 
If you know me already a little, then you will have noticed that I have apologized myself already a few times for being rather sensitive and emotional.
Well - now I know that I have to change this attitude because I've learned a lot about emotions.
Some time ago I discovered this following quote, and I'm going to use this as guidance.
I'm going to keep this in mind.

'Never apologize for being Sensitive or Emotional...
It's a sign that you have a Big Heart... and that you aren't afraid to let others see it.
Showing your Emotions is a sign of Strength...'

So - I'm not going to suppress my emotions this time because
No, I will let my emotions go their own free rein today.

'Five whole years' already since she's gone! 
I just cannot believe that it can be that long ago. Never thought that missing her would be so tough.
I know - for the world she just might have been a silly duck, but to me, she meant the world. 
Missing Pipke still brings tears to my eyes, but remembering all the good times can bring a smile on my face!
Therefore I prefer to remember the good times.
As a tribute to her I want to share these images with you.

Fulfilled with gratitude that she came into my life, 
I'm watching now these images. 

 At dawn, when leaving her pen, well rested and cheerful,
ready to start a new day. 

After *smooching in the laundry room (*our daily morning ritual) 
ready to inspect the flowers for bugs.
Be sure she took her task as inspector pest controller very serious. 
Not one bug could escape her eye!
Time to assist the gardener with weeding.

After all that work enjoying a good wash in her pond.

Now - time to take a nap on her favorite spot - 
under the easy chair.
Around sunset, for darkness falls.
 Before going to bed - searching for some bugs in
our garden - Pipke's little world - the place I had to leave behind.
For me this was heaven on earth. 
My heart aches!
My little one,
You will live on in my heart
my little friend so true,
and memories of you will fill my mind
until I go to you

May 25, 1995 – September 14, 2009

*Watch: Pipke's life story in a nutshell on YouTube.

Friday, August 15, 2014

September ... When It Comes.

Today, here in Belgium it's Mother's Day, and it's a gray and rainy day.
It's like they say here: "it's Belgian weather". It's pouring rain! 
We're now half August and September comes closer.
September .... the month that includes so many memorable dates to me!
It makes me silent.
In September - now 52 years ago: I got married. 
In September - now 50 years ago: my son was born. 
In September this year: it will be already 5 years ago - since Pipke died.

- So I suppose you can imagine - 
last week on the car radio, that I can't get rid of the song.

Ever since it keeps haunting me. 
Especially the corresponding images on the YouTube film gives me shivers. 
You see a lifetime passing!
It makes me aware that life is short and that my life could have been so very very different.

September when it comes .........

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Remembering Pipke on her Birthday

I have so many thoughts and emotions swirling through my head and heart today. 
Today is what would have been Pipke's nineteenth birthday!

On the day she was born May 25, 1995.

On her very last birthday May 25, 2009.
Inspecting the flowers.

If anyone should ever write my life story
For whatever reason there might be
You'd be there between each line of pain and glory
Cause you're the best thing that ever happened to me 
Missing you sweetie!

Monday, April 21, 2014

A Post Without a Tittle

(I started writing this post with an entirely different intent, but ultimately my mind has strayed, with the result that it has become something that I can't define. Therefore, I finally couldn't give this post a title. I leave it to you how you want to call the result.)

Perhaps bantling?

- At the moment I'm still working with much pleasure on 'Pipke's Life Story' on my second blog.
If you've read the PS. of the post  'Pipke on TV' then you will have noticed that I've problems to retrieve film images.

So while preparing the next chapters I started to search after particular  film images which I wanted to add to the story later on.

Those film images were taken during a consultation at the vet, and in this particular scene Pipke was brought under narcoses.

After searching through all my photo and film files I couldn't find them.

Therefore I started to think back, and then I remembered: 'I've seen the film images where I was looking for,  the day after Pipke died'.

I've seen them together with my  '*hubby' at the saddest moment in my life.

Watching them was our way to try to process the death of Pipke. 

So – after searching everywhere – it dawned on me why I can't find those images anymore! Then I realized! Of course - those particular film images are standing on the original small tape of the film camera, and this tape is sitting in the movie camera itself wherewith the film images were taken so long ago.

And that's now exact the problem: after moving to another place, 
I no longer have the film camera with the original tape. They are no longer in my possession.

It's really a pity because, not only several film images of Pipke, but also almost all the film images of our family, and my granddaughter as a child are standing on that tape.

So I wonder where those images ended?

Now I only hope that they're not thrown away, that would be a real sin.

But what do you want - that's the way it goes in life!

Not everyone cares about images, for some it doesn't mean much, not to say anything.
You perhaps know it already. I cherish memories. A part of me even thrives on it, it's actually almost all I have left now.

Maybe I've too much of them, but – what do you want: the older you get the more memories you have!

Memories – if you don't have them – then you must have lived a very superficial life.
Of course life goes on, and you don't choose to live in the past, but - just listening to a song can suck you back in time, and that happened to me not so long ago.
While I was driving the car they played this song on the car radio.
I'd almost forgotten this beautiful Abba song from long time ago. 
It touched me in such a way, that I became very emotional.
So it brought me back in time
At that time it was just a beautiful song for me, but now it has become a song with a kinda bitter aftertaste.

Now my present runs into the past, now and then becomes entwined – playing games within my mind. 

So while I listen to the song, I close my eyes and imagine that ...... !

Unfortunately – I have no longer a fireplace, but I still have a clock, and this clock is ticking already more than 37 years! 
Now I hear her ticking at my place. 
Then I could hear her ticking in 'our house'.

The ticking has remained the same, but the early morning ritual that made ​​it possible that she continued ticking has totally changed.
Now – I'm the one who does the winding of the clock, and every time I do that – I think of the past. 
Memories -- even a clock has a history! Tik..tak ... tik ...tak  ...

Enjoy the song!
Hope you gather many beautiful memories, only then life will be worth living.

PS: although it's no longer the case, I still call him *so.  
We shared more than 50 years together and that's something one can't erase easily. 
But – I've had my share! 
However  -- although living alone isn't easy, and loneliness often lurks around the corner – I resign to the fact – that there will never be anyone else in my life!

Note: Discover an other version of the song sung by 'Sissel' the 
woman with the voice of an Angel. 
It will give you goosebumps!

Friday, February 14, 2014

Laura Pausini: One of My Favorites

On Sunday, February the second - I attended a performance of Laura Pausini, my son's favorite Italian female singer.
It was an exceptional experience but I must add that it was also a little a disappointment.
Why: well if you listen to a CD then the volume between the voice of the singer and the volume of the music instruments is more in balance. During such a concert it seems as if only the volume of the music instruments counts.
I find it such a pity because you almost can't understand the lyrics of the song.
The special effects and dance acts made it more attractive but in my eyes it could have been perfect if the volume wasn't so enormously loud.
You maybe know already I have hearing problems and even without my hearing aids I had to put my fingers in my ears because I couldn't endure the volume.
Probably - no almost certainly I'm getting old folks – although! Wait a minute, I do remember that I've seen also younger persons with their fingers in their ears.
I wonder why the organizers prefer to set the sound so loud. The members of the performing group - they almost all - sooner or later - get hearing problems even with protective ear caps.
I personally know a young guy who's hearing got badly damaged by only one loudly concert of the group AC/DC.
Since he attended that particular concert he now always hears a whistling noise in the background.
Unfortunately for him - there exist no treatment to resolve this problem.
For the rest of his live he has to live with it, and sometimes the noise can make him really crazy. He also has problems to understand a normal conversation well because of the disturbing beeping noise dominates.
Therefor - be warned folks: when you want to attend a concert prepare yourself. 
Buy protective ear caps and – wear them.

(Actually - in hindsight - I better had prepared myself but - I'd underestimated that it would give such a problem for me, because I don't hear so well when I'm not wearing my hearing aids.)
So - know that every little bit too much sound can cause troubles for you later. 

To close this warning post: if you don't know Laura Pausini jet, here's one of my favorite songs of her. 
La Solitudine (Loneliness) 

On this link you can find a the version with an adaptation of the Italian lyrics in English

Enjoy the music – and on this Valentine day ... let your dear one know you care about them!
You will never regret it if you've said it too often - but  - most important "also proof it" !

Have a great Valentine Day!

Friday, January 10, 2014

Die in Peace

Although this is not such cheerful subject to start this new year, I first want to wish you all a healthy and happy New Year. 
Don't see this as being disrespectful towards the deceased whereof I speak here, but that's the way how life goes.
Happiness and misfortune lies close to each other. 
Things never happen at the right time and for some of us sometimes much too soon.
A few days before the end of 2013, someone I knew has passed away.
I learned to know her long time ago, at the time that we both were twenties. The last 30 years we had no more contact.
She and I - we both had our own lives. She was only one year older than me.
You have to know people: her dead not only makes me sad, but it also gives me a "sour" feeling because - even though she's gone now - I envy her! 
She had a dedicated partner who has remained faithful by her side.
He cared for her for many years and assisted her in the most difficult moments in her life - and she had many.
He was there for her when she needed him. She could always count on him.

Now she could close her eyes with the knowledge that her partner loved her immensely.
Can you imagine yourself a more beautiful death?

At such a time, to have standing someone on your side who has gone to the limit for you, it must make passing away less heavy.
Therefore, I would like to express my admiration for her *partner.
He never doubted whether he would stand there for her. 
He took it as a matter of course that he would be there for her.

Well - with this post, I say: "hat off for *this man!"

Thanks to him she could close her eyes in peace.
I'm sure when he closes his eyes that he will close them with a clear conscience and peace in his heart! 
He has done what was right! He can be proud of himself! 
I hope for you all …. when your time has come and you have to close your eyes ..... that you can close them with peace in your heart!
However: life goes on and - it doesn't matter where you live - what you do or how much you have ...... It does matter "who's" standing at your side.
Know -

Therefore - make the best of it and be there for each other whatever happens!
Be happy if you have a "true" friend!

Rest in peace A! 
With respect - I dedicate the following song to you. 

For my Dutch speaking readers: of this I'm sure! It would hurt him!
For my  English speaking folowers and/or readers. 
Here's a French version of the song with English subtitles.

PS: the titles in light blue are the links to Dutch songs. 
The link to "her partner" is a Dutch slang song. 
In English it is called: A True Friend.