Monday, April 21, 2014

A Post Without a Tittle

(I started writing this post with an entirely different intent, but ultimately my mind has strayed, with the result that it has become something that I can't define. Therefore, I finally couldn't give this post a title. I leave it to you how you want to call the result.)

Perhaps bantling?

- At the moment I'm still working with much pleasure on 'Pipke's Life Story' on my second blog.
If you've read the PS. of the post  'Pipke on TV' then you will have noticed that I've problems to retrieve film images.

So while preparing the next chapters I started to search after particular  film images which I wanted to add to the story later on.

Those film images were taken during a consultation at the vet, and in this particular scene Pipke was brought under narcoses.

After searching through all my photo and film files I couldn't find them.

Therefore I started to think back, and then I remembered: 'I've seen the film images where I was looking for,  the day after Pipke died'.

I've seen them together with my  '*hubby' at the saddest moment in my life.

Watching them was our way to try to process the death of Pipke. 

So – after searching everywhere – it dawned on me why I can't find those images anymore! Then I realized! Of course - those particular film images are standing on the original small tape of the film camera, and this tape is sitting in the movie camera itself wherewith the film images were taken so long ago.

And that's now exact the problem: after moving to another place, 
I no longer have the film camera with the original tape. They are no longer in my possession.

It's really a pity because, not only several film images of Pipke, but also almost all the film images of our family, and my granddaughter as a child are standing on that tape.

So I wonder where those images ended?

Now I only hope that they're not thrown away, that would be a real sin.

But what do you want - that's the way it goes in life!

Not everyone cares about images, for some it doesn't mean much, not to say anything.
You perhaps know it already. I cherish memories. A part of me even thrives on it, it's actually almost all I have left now.

Maybe I've too much of them, but – what do you want: the older you get the more memories you have!

Memories – if you don't have them – then you must have lived a very superficial life.
Of course life goes on, and you don't choose to live in the past, but - just listening to a song can suck you back in time, and that happened to me not so long ago.
While I was driving the car they played this song on the car radio.
I'd almost forgotten this beautiful Abba song from long time ago. 
It touched me in such a way, that I became very emotional.
So it brought me back in time
At that time it was just a beautiful song for me, but now it has become a song with a kinda bitter aftertaste.

Now my present runs into the past, now and then becomes entwined – playing games within my mind. 

So while I listen to the song, I close my eyes and imagine that ...... !

Unfortunately – I have no longer a fireplace, but I still have a clock, and this clock is ticking already more than 37 years! 
Now I hear her ticking at my place. 
Then I could hear her ticking in 'our house'.

The ticking has remained the same, but the early morning ritual that made ​​it possible that she continued ticking has totally changed.
Now – I'm the one who does the winding of the clock, and every time I do that – I think of the past. 
Memories -- even a clock has a history! Tik..tak ... tik ...tak  ...

Enjoy the song!
Hope you gather many beautiful memories, only then life will be worth living.

PS: although it's no longer the case, I still call him *so.  
We shared more than 50 years together and that's something one can't erase easily. 
But – I've had my share! 
However  -- although living alone isn't easy, and loneliness often lurks around the corner – I resign to the fact – that there will never be anyone else in my life!

Note: Discover an other version of the song sung by 'Sissel' the 
woman with the voice of an Angel. 
It will give you goosebumps!