Thursday, September 14, 2017

Loving Memory Pipke

 today, eight years ago .... 

it was the saddest day in my ife.

Gone but not forgotten!


 May 25, 1995 - September 14, 2009

*Her life story in a nutshell.




Your memorial contribution has aided in emergency efforts to rehabilitate hundreds of birds like this Surf Scoter in the San Francsico Bay mystery goo incident. 
This gift made possible by: Ruxandra Balcangui

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Loving Memory 2016


 May 25, 1995 - September 14, 2009. 


Seven years!

All I know is since you've been gone
I feel like I'm drowning in a river
Drowning in a river of tears

I wished that I could hold you
PS: *link. 

Friday, January 1, 2016

What a New Year's Wish is this?

I am sure, this will be a question that comes to your mind, after reading this post.
Yes folks, I'm not at all the kind of writer that writes 'masterpieces', I just let my thought go their free rein and put them on virtual paper.
I also doubt if putting a question mark in a title is correct, perhaps it's not done.
So - I leave it up to you to define what this is.
Anyhow, it comes straight from my heart, and before going further, I want to wish you all a 'Happy New Year' with the hope that you will have many blessings in the year to come.
- I started the new year with running in the early morning, just after dawn.
I was whole alone on the road, it seemed as if everyone else was sleeping off his whirl from yesterday evening.
- I myself - had nothing to celebrate yesterday. I went early to bed, I only awoke '*around midnight' because of the noise of the fireworks here in the neighborhood.
*That was for me the right time to hug my dear Pipke's 'Golden heart' that I keep under my pillow!
It brought me back to the time that she was still alive, then we took her indoors to prevent that she would become afraid for the popping fireworks.
That was the time for hugs and reassurance, such a happy time!

From those happy times I have one picture that's taken 'exactly', on this very day, twenty years ago.

New Year's day 1996! 
In the early morning. 

(As you can see: my sweet little girl could not appreciate to be 'dolled up' for the occasion! She shook it off as quick as possible.

She loved sobriety. She didn't like frills! Pure white was her favorite color. The material of her packing always had to be clean, soft and waterproof.)

However - I don't think that I will ever be able 'to celebrate' a New Year.

No! Celebrations - of what kind so ever - are no longer wasted on me.

Actually, the world wherein we live now, it makes me sad!

There's too much hunger for too many of us. Not 'the hunger' in the real sentence of the word, but - the kind of hunger where Mother Teresa once referred to!

For all who's hungry, I hope you will be fed today!

Let this be your New Year's *resolution for the year 2016:
 let No-One be hungry again. 
*It is surely mine!

I wish you all the very best!

PS: for those who don't know it. 
Pipke's 'Golden heart' is the little urn with her ashes, in the shape of a heart.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Many Thanks

 Herewith I want to thank my blogger friends for the beautiful e-cards and friendly emails that I may receive for my birthday.
I was surprised that you* - *blogger friends - knew the correct date!
This is not so evident.
People who know me already more than 50 years even got the "wrong" date in mind!
Not that it's so important, but - It says a lot
Anyway, thank you dear blogger friends for thinking of me on the correct date.
It made my day!

- I will continue soon with Pipke's  life story.
Till soon, I hope ! :-)

Monday, September 14, 2015

Loving Memory

I'll remember you, 
when I've forgotten all the rest.

You to me were true, 
You to me were the best.

For always in my heart

May 25, 1995 – September 14, 2009

Monday, September 7, 2015

Twist of Fate

As usual, for the last five years already, also this evening I'm alone, and I am alone because of an unfortunate twist of fate. 
By this I mean: nothing has happened the way I thought it would.
Ever I was a reasonable content woman, who lived in a comfortable home with a beautiful garden, a dearly beloved pet, and ... a husband. 
I lived with the illusion that I was loved by the person to who I have done everything for.
Those things - which were very dear to me, and also this illusion have been taken away from me. Now I have to live with this reality and - it still isn't easy.

 In particularly this evening - on the eve of September the eight -
this all weighs very heavy to me, because: tomorrow,
I would have been married for 53 years!

Whilst pondering this all, I get overwhelmed by gloomy thoughts. Sadness prevails.
Even, without wanting to, at the most unlikely moments, day or night, in the most diverse places, I can get those nasty pop-up thoughts over which I have no control. I really can't help it, it's stronger than myself.
Sometimes it all becomes too heavy, then I need to get rid of the bottled up stuff, and - so I do that, by venting my thoughts on 'virtual paper'.
So - I sit here in my office room on my desk, and while I'm typing these words on my laptop, I have the feeling as if, 'I - as a person, as a human being', didn't mean that much. It feels as if my whole life has been nothing but a 'dreary play', presented just for someone else’s amusement; as if some kind of '*potboiler or poor playwright' invented my sad twist of fate. 
Actually - already from the start, he really didn't know where to go with the story.
The poor quality of the script proves that it was a real bungler.
So finally - towards the end of the play, the bungler decided to change the plot of the story.
It would never come as far as first planned. He canceled the happy end.
He stunned 'the onlookers', except the insider, no one else had seen it coming.
So the story ended abruptly after 48 years, 9 months and 16 days.
I wonder if this *potboiler / *playwright (*whatever you want to name him) would  be proud of this 'masterpiece'. I also wonder how he would define it :
perhaps a psychological thriller?
Certainly not a novel!.

Actually - I've always been realistic. 
I stood with both feet firmly on the ground. 
I never wished for a perfect partner.
Nobody's perfect – '*me neither' – and *there I am well aware of!
I also never expected an amazing romance, all I ever wanted was - someone who gave back a '*fair share' of the love that I gave.
Was *that perhaps asked too much?

Be sure: relationships don't last because of the good times, they last because "the hard times were handled with love and care". 
And - just in those tough times - you learn to know 'how much' someone really cares about you. Meanwhile, I have learned that I deserved so much better. I've done all I could to make it succeed. Of one thing I'm sure: I should not blame myself! 
However - I must admit, 'in comparison to others', I had it not so bad. There exist 'far worse' cases.
 It was not always doom and gloom!
Luckily we also shared many beautiful moments, and although it has not turned out the way I wanted: 
for the rest of my days, I will not only remember but also cherish the good times.

On my wedding day Saturday, September 8, 1962.
Head over heels in love.
So *naive as could be, *seeing only the good in people. 

A few days later, 
during our honeymoon on the Belgian coast, on the beach of the village called Heist at sea.
The best memories I have about our stay there, are our long walks together along the beach. 
Whilst walking, cheerfully singing and struggling against the strong wind, 
sitting on his shoulders!
That happy moment - I will never forget!

Therefor - I wished - life had a remote. 
Then I would play the easy times in normal speed and pause the good times, fast forward the bullshit in high speed, rewind the good times,
and finally - clear the bad episodes forever.  
But unfortunately ... I can't find a remote.

I hope one day …... the bad times will fade!

PS: with mixed feelings I think back on our stay for the following reasons. 
We stayed there, in the old house of my husband's old aunt on an apartment. It was situated on the embankment. The old aunt lived in the basement. We had little privacy, not to speak about the accommodation, it was in one word 'pitifully'. It was an uncomfortable dirty dark place. The musty smell of the place is always stuck with me!
Even now these days; if I smell a 'stale smell' my mind brings me back to that place.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

The Ultimate Gift for an Oldie

Isn't this poignant.
I'm sure - if this product would ever be available on the market, nowadays - for some of the younger generation - this would be 'the ultimate gift' to bestow to an oldie. 
So ..... problem solved!
The message that comes with the gift says it all.
Two birds with one stroke: a gift with a bitter after taste!
Hope there are enough batteries included with the gift to keep on going for a little while!

PS: this moving 3D animated short called 'Changing Batteries' is created by the talented folks over at Sunny Side Up Productions!
Based on the theme 'Change', the story tells about their relationship development with one another through time and is their final year animation production made in Multimedia University, Cyberjaya, Malaysia. 

They are currently up and running for BANG Awards!